Question 2: How Much Help Should a Kid Need/Get in School?
posted Wednesday September 8th, 2010
Yesterday was not Sophie’s best day.
It wasn’t mine, either (I won’t bore you with details) but I looked pretty good by comparison.
“It was not a good day,” Courtney told me when we met in the parking lot before piano lessons. “No one said anything to me, but I overheard something about a fight she got in with [another little girl with Down syndrome] and she and Sarah were flicking each other.”
Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do to your BFF when you’re 7? Flick each other? Ugh.
“Anything else?” I asked, scared now, as she handed me Sophie’s backpack, a huge roll of white butcher paper and a copy of Judy Blume’s “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing,” which I figured had made its way from home to Courtney’s car.
“Yeah, she got in trouble in music therapy for drawing a penis,” Courtney said, shoving the stuff at me and sprinting for her car. “Happy Tuesday!”
Before Annabelle’s half-hour lesson had ended, Sophie’d explained that she’d “punched” the other little girl with DS in the stomach, and actually had stolen her teacher’s copy of “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing.”
I’m not sure if any of this is true, but I wasn’t taking any chances. I told her she’d have to apologize. She nodded, sucking hard on her thumb.
Later, after Sophie had written three apology notes (we’ll write to the music therapist before next week’s session, if there is one) I noticed that her math worksheet and math homework (from last Thursday) were still in her folder in her backpack. It took half an hour just to do the worksheet. Ugh.
“Why didn’t you turn this stuff in?” I asked.
“I forget,” she told me.
One day last week, Sophie went AWOL from PE — they’re still not sure what happened, whether she was with a “buddy” or not when she ostensibly left for the bathroom, and showed up at Annabelle’s classroom, which is up a huge flight of stairs and nowhere near PE — or the bathroom. Annabelle later informed me that’s been happening a lot at lunch.
And this is only the stuff I’m catching wind of. Things are melting down. Are the Salad Days over, or was yesterday just a really bad day? (And last week a not so good week. And so on.)
This morning I unrolled the huge piece of butcher paper I’d left on the dining room table, and there it was — the penis drawing. (Not sure if you’ll be able to make it out in the photo, but really, it’s hard to miss — and I did take comfort in the fact that she’s obviously not drawing from memory, at least it doesn’t look like it.) I shoved it in the recycling.
Today we’ll start fresh, like we always do. But I wonder if this acting out is because school’s just getting too hard for Sophie. Does she need more help? What should that look like? What would it look like if school budgets weren’t an option?
What do you think?
I don’t know. We all have bad days. I guess the question is, how many?
But…the safety thing would really worry me. The Sophie “escaping” thing. Is there no possibility for some kind of “aide” to keep her on track? I guess since she’s not in special ed she can’t have that? But if it’s a safety concern, wouldn’t it be possible?
Does Sophie have an instructional aide? Cooper does and it makes everything go so much easier – she is gifted in her ability to help him flow from one thing to the next (as transitions can be hard for him, too) and for short-circuiting any potential negative situations (like the safety issue). According to Federal law, school systems can’t use budget as an excuse for not providing support … but I’m sure you know that!
Well, spunky gal! Love it but I know from wenst you come…. Sigh. Does the worry ever end? Not much comfort here I’m afraid altho a punch is a very focused thing to do. Kayli always used to escape but I realized it was not far and always to a familiar, goal directed place (school breakfast that we hadn’t paid for.ahem)- not so much now. What the heck with the penis?
Sophie has a handicap. Whether or not she qualifies for Special Education, under ADA and Section 504 of the Rehab. Law of 19… she qualifies for reasonable accommodations. That may mean someone to help keep her safe. School budgets are always a major issue, but not your concern. Your concern is your daughter’s needs. However, before everyone panics, has anyone asked Sophie about her behavior. Most young children can’t answer “why” but they can answer what, where, etc. Where was she going? What was she doing? What did she want? Sometimes, its just a matter of hitting on the right question. As for the “penis”, do assume that’s what she drew, ask her to tell you about her picture.
A thought for the school. If there is another child with DS about her age, the school might get an assistant for the two of them. I, generally don’t like one on one, because the adult becomes a barrier between the child and peers. When possible, I prefer one assistant to two or more children as needed for the children involved.
My first grader also recently got a talking-to about drawing a couple penis pics at school. He had just seen the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” movie and was imitating a scene from that. Has Sophie seen that lately? I explained to him that such pictures are not appropriate and so far there haven’t been any more – that I know of anyway!
sophie does get special ed. but no aides — not in our school district, i’m told. if she needs more help, i’m told repeatedly, she needs to go to the MR program at another school (not a very good one) in the district, with the other MR kids.
elizabeth — we did have an extensive discussion (more than one) about intentions, etc…. she’s clear on it: she likes to visit annabelle.
it was definitely a penis, BTW. she proudly announced it.
I wonder if there’s a local advocate that you could engage? As I understand the law, reasonable accommodation includes an aide if that’s what she needs to function in the least restrictive environment. I know that full inclusion doesn’t work for every single child, but for most kids with DS, it is my opinion that their participation in the mainstream classroom is a microcosm for the world they’ll one day inhabit, so it’s very much in our interests — for our children with DS and our typical children — to make the accommodations necessary to help them be safe (first) and productive (next). Cooper’s aide is excellent at making sure she’s NOT a barrier between him and the other kids; in fact, at the beginning of 1st grade when he was new at the school she organized a big jump roping event at every recess that became the go-to event for most kids. Cooper was in charge of turning the rope, etc and it became known as “jump roping with Cooper”. She’s a genius at stuff like that and although I give a lot of credit to Cooper for being a great kid, I give her a great deal of credit for the success he’s having both socially and academically.
Amy, you are way ahead of me. Clearly you are a good advocate for your daughter. I admit I got a good laugh out of the penis story. I’ll bet that had some stuffy people tied in knots. The only behavior described that worried me is the wandering off. That could be dangerous. The rest sounds developmentally normal misbehavior.
Lisa, Cooper’s IA sounds like a jewel.
FYI, most school districts when pushed will give in to the parent because historically the courts have ruled for the parents. Now, I admit, when I was in Arizona, I found the districts in the Phoenix area amazingly slow to catch on. Kyrene took on OCR and lost big time. I’m watching this and shaking my head. Mesa’s superintendent said outright that they weren’t even trying to obey all the Special Education rules and regs. So I wouldn’t hold my breath, but keep pushing for LRE with some aide time. The school district has to prove that LRE for Sophie is something other than the regular classroom.
Amy, regarding my advocate comment – of course you’re a good advocate! I was thinking of a lawyer or other parent/child advocate who knows the law backwards and forwards and can “influence” your school system in a way that a parent cannot … just wanted to clarify that!