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Safeway, Danger Zone

posted Friday May 22nd, 2009

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I just want to grocery shop in peace.

I was standing in line at Safeway tonight — alone, for once — yawning myself awake and sort of mesmerized, I have to admit, by the woman in front of me. She was in a wheelchair, her legs tattooed with gorgeous vines and flowers. She had a basket of  TV dinners, and I was thinking to myself (not all that kindly, I suppose) that if I was in a wheelchair and grocery shopping for myself, I would at least buy Swanson fried chicken TV dinners instead of Weight Watchers lasagna.

My cart, too, held a few Weight Watchers items, but mostly fruit and snacks. We’re leaving for the Grand Canyon at 5 am — at least, that’s the plan.

My point  here is that for once I was thinking of something other than my special needs kid, which, from reading this blog, you might think never happens. I was really focused on the fact that this woman’s canvas tote bag was decorated with Veggie Tales stickers. So I was a little startled when the clerk looked knowingly at me when the woman rolled away and it was my turn in line.

“Don’t you have a cute little girl?” she asked.

Two cute little girls, I wanted to answer. But I knew what she meant. So I smiled and nodded.

“They’re truly God’s children,” she said.

I knew I was agnostic in the first grade.

I smiled some more.

“My brother is Downs,” she continued. “He lives with me. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

Smile, nod, dig for Safeway rewards card in wallet, try not to think about Annabelle.

“Yeah, he lived with my mother, but then she got sick. She wouldn’t go to heaven til I told her I’d take care of him, then she did — I said I’ll take care of him, don’t worry Mom, and she died. Now he’s with me, but they say he doesn’t have much time left.”

Please just let me out of here.

“Oh dear, really?” I replied, realizing words were required at this point. “How old is he?”

“He’s 40, but he looks like he’s 10 and he acts like he’s 7.”

That’s nothing like my Sophie.

More smiling, nodding.

“Yeah, he’s had open heart surgery three times. He had a stroke when he was 10.”

Sophie’s had open heart surgery twice already. She might need it a third time. Will she have a stroke in four years, is that what you’re trying to tell me?

“Oh.”

I fumbled some more in my wallet, not sure what else I could say, or do. I mean, last month, when it was Disability Awareness Month at Safeway, I clicked on the button to give money every single time. And I’m in Safeway a lot. I don’t avoid the check out aisles with the baggers who have Down syndrome; to the contrary, I make eye contact and say hello. They all look at me like I’m crazy; I kind of like that, that maybe they’re thinking, “What? Is this woman retarded, smiling at me?”

Really, lady, can’t you just leave me alone? Don’t you know you’re not my future, not Annabelle’s future?

“Um, ma’am….” the clerk was trying to get my attention again.

“Yes?” I waited politely for the final bomb.

Let me have it. What, your marriage fell apart? You’ll never forgive your mother for saddling you with this burden? He’s got leukemia? WHAT?

“We’re out of plastic bags. Is it okay if we give you paper?”

“Sure,” I replied, relieved. I smiled again and got the hell out of there, not before noticing that the guy behind me in line had a huge bottle of Jack Daniels. Not a bad idea.

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Tags: Filed under: Uncategorized by Amysilverman

3 Responses to “Safeway, Danger Zone”

  1. :sobs:

    Why is it that sometimes people can be so “well meaning” but in reality they are just lethal?

  2. Oy. I’m with you. Sometimes I just want to go to the grocery store. Sounds like you handled that really well or as best you could have.

    I’m still on the lookout for that handbook on snappy answers to inappropriate questions/statements.

    I swear there is something about DS that seems to take people’s boundaries away. Or maybe that is the case with other syndromes, disabilities, whatever, but I can only speak to the DS. I guess they feel a kinship and so suddenly there are no formalities. But talk about unnerving. And unexpected. And upsetting! Sometimes a person just needs to get snacks at Safeway in peace.
    Jack Daniels may also be a welcome (and needed) option.

    I’m also trying to wrap my brain around the fact that you can buy JD at Safeway! Why don’t I live in AZ?!

    I thought of throughout the weekend, of your little family at the Grand Canyon and it made me smile.

  3. magic words again. great post.

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My Heart Can't Even Believe It: A Story of Science, Love, and Down Syndrome is available from Amazon and 
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