Comments on: Should I Be Bringing Food to My Daughter’s IEP Meetings?

By: Anam

Anam — Sat, 26 Sep 2015 11:16:14 +0000

Nathan is 14yrs old he was diagnosed with Aspergers at 8yrs after senpding 3yrs of Primary School in a Behaviour Support Unit seeing things he should not have been exposed to.The nightmare to come started at Secondary School, he was sent home on the 4th day because the staff could not cope, he was regularly bullied, verbally and physically, he would run off and try to come home. Luckily one special Teaching Assistant (Rob) formed a bond with Nathan and gradually by the end of the first year there was an improvement. Starting the second year, unknown to me they drastically changed the support, replacing Rob with a new T.A. Nathan’s behaviour deteriorated over the term and he was blamed for his behaviour, culminating in him being excluded. Nathan hit back at a pupil who had hit him and when a teacher tried but failed to restrain him Nathan was accused of pushing the teacher, the school did not believe Nathan had been provoked and took no action against the other pupil, when i told the Headteacher of a dozen incidents where Nathan had been bullied/assaulted, he suggested i move him to another school. I took the school to a Disability Discrimination Tribunal, the Judge decided that Nathan’s deterioation was to be expected because of his disability and the school was not at fault as it was not expected to have any expertise in Aspergers ! So we moved Nathan to another mainstream school 5 miles away with a new Autism Centre attached, we thought he would be better understood, WRONG! One day he became so stressed that he tried to leave, he was physically restrained by two teachers, he went berserk so they locked him in a small room, he had a meltdown and trashed the room, he was excluded for his behaviour! (later retracted) I told the staff not to restrain or confine him again as it makes him worse but they did it another two times, he shattered a panel of safety glass in a panic to get out (they sent me the bill for repair.. later retracted) i told them it was barbaric, i kept him off school and threatened to home school him, the psycologist advised against this. Nathan went back after Christmas, the staff backed right off and left him to make his own choices, he chose not to go to any lessons (although in advanced Maths, top of Science and good at Technology and Media) they thought boredom would change his mind, a wasted term later WRONG! he became dissafected and frustrated, i was called almost every day to go and pick him up. I had kept in contact with Rob the T.A. from the previous school and he came to our rescue. Such was his commitment to Nathan, Rob changed his job and went to work with Nathan at school, now 6months later Nathan is back on track and doing well, he only does mornings at present and does not access all of the curiculum, although reports say he will not fulfill his potential he is a lot happier thanks to Rob, i cannot imagine where we would be without him.In two years time Nathan will leave this school then i see only more problems ahead, The Education System and The Disability Discrimination Act have been no help to us in my opinion, in later life Nathan may well be haunted by his experiences and i fear he does not stand a chance in the real world.

By: Diane

Diane — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 20:24:53 +0000

This is exactly the discussion I was looking for. I have attended many IEP Meetings along with other related meetings like staffings and the dreaded ” why are you breaking federal law and not accommodating my child” meetings…I have never brought food. However, now that my child is being educated fairly at his school I am tempted to bring food to the next meeting but as was mentioned I don’t want it to feel like I am trying to bribe them or make it awkward.

By: Amysilverman

Amysilverman — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 17:38:49 +0000

Whatever it takes, right? xo

By: Jesse Michener

Jesse Michener — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 17:35:42 +0000

Yes, I’ve brought food. I’ve also brought pictures and do-dads from her life, so all parties involved could see a better picture of her. Remember when you were a kid and you ran into your teacher at the grocery store? Remember at how strange that felt to see someone out of context? I rely on the opposite to be true when I bring elements of a more-rounded view of my child. I bring in things to help them see her OUTside of the school environment.

And I’ve brought lawyers. So, yeah. It’s a weird life.

By: Amanda Vlietstra

Amanda Vlietstra — Tue, 18 Aug 2015 06:13:51 +0000

An IEP meeting with treats…I have three boys who regularly had IEP meetings, and such an idea as treats never crossed my mind. It is a place for a box of kleenex, and a dignified demeanor, if possible, as the tenderest hopes and dreams you have for for your child are clinically examined. I was filled with anxiety before and after every meeting I had. The boys attended, and sometimes cried. I went to every one, and cried, sometimes, myself. I spared my husband- he really took those meetings hard. Hilariously, my youngest started attending the meetings in a suit and tie in high school. He eloquently advocated for himself, even getting up and using the white board to illustrate a point. His advisor took a picture of him at that meeting with his iphone. Ah, it all works out in the end.

By: Miranda

Miranda — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 21:08:27 +0000

I’m a Special Ed teacher and I have had a few parents bring food, but I always find it a bit awkward. I’m trying to read the IEP aloud and talk through goals with parents. Parents are trying to make sure we do what is best for their kid. It’s hard to do that while you are eating. I have a hard time being professional while eating a brownie. If you want to bribe me…send me chocolate and coffee through the year, not at the IEP meeting

By: Susan Adelman

Susan Adelman — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 16:44:15 +0000

Yes, we brought food. Start from a good place… It may be traded for a lawyer as time goes on. Know your rights, know what you want, bring food and a smile; have a back up plan with a lawyer if needed….

By: teeps

teeps — Sat, 15 Aug 2015 16:24:57 +0000

I’m a teacher who has never been to an IEP or 504 meeting where food was provided, offered, or served. This never even occurred to me and strikes me as (even though it’s a small deal in the scheme of things, maybe) inappropriate. Would you bring food to a deposition or a mediation (I’m thinking of my surreal divorce mediation at the county courthouse)? Into a courtroom? Some people don’t consider teaching a “real” profession (those who can’t, teach). Our salaries prove that. Turning an important (this cannot be overstated) legal proceeding into something like a church social or a prom committee meeting doesn’t serve teaching, the process, or, most importantly, the child whose education is at the center of the meeting.

I can also tell sad stories of the many IEP/504 meetings where parents — or students — could not or did not even attend. And stories of meetings where advocates, lawyers, parents, and children ALL attend. Those are, without a doubt, the most productive and meaningful meetings.

Sidenote: I teach AP (11th grade) and write A LOT of high stakes letters of recommendation. I hand out an etiquette how-to to my students (gathered from many such college handouts) and nowhere on it do I suggest “Buy me a present” or “Bribe me with food.” Thanks, of course, is expected, as is a follow-up. I have received many many lovely thank you notes. And some Starbucks cards, cookies, etc. I keep the notes forever.

By: Jaida

Jaida — Fri, 14 Aug 2015 14:01:55 +0000

I’ve never brought food. It would be so distracting to me personally and brings up plenty of etiquette complexities that I don’t think add anything. I’m fortunate enough to have a really wonderful team to work with though, and I don’t judge any parent for doing whatever they feel helps the camaraderie in the room.

By: Amysilverman

Amysilverman — Thu, 13 Aug 2015 23:42:28 +0000

oh no, we have ISP’s too! i need to rethink that, as well. i will say that we’ve had people come to the house for years and i always offer coffee and it’s almost always rejected, but i do understand — as a journalism i never take anything when i go into someone’s house…. and not just for moral reasons!