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The Specials: Happily Ever After?

posted Monday October 6th, 2014

specials

From almost the beginning, I have had one wish for Sophie: that she get married, have great sex and live happily ever after.

I didn’t — and still don’t — have the career thing worked out, or the living situation, or a lot of other things I agree are equally important. (And yeah, yeah, all up to Sophie. I know. I’m a control freak.) But I know I want Sophie to find her soul mate, someone who can be the recipient of all that love. (As long as she saves a cuddle for her mother.)

I want the same for her older sister. But I’ve always figured that with Annabelle, it would be more complicated. I know from my own experience that I tend to overthink a lot of things in life — particularly love. I envision Annabelle having the same struggles.

But not Sophie.

I’m beginning to see how naive I’ve been.

As you might imagine, from almost the beginning I’ve latched onto the occasional stories you see in the paper about couples with Down syndrome (or other developmental disabilities) meeting, falling in love, and living happily ever after.

At least, I assume things end well, because I haven’t ever run across a follow up. Not that I’ve looked so hard because to be honest, I’ve enjoyed these love stories, and the fantasy that comes along with them.

There was a terrific example on the front page of yesterday’s New York Times. I read it while I was getting a pedicure, gobbled up every word, shed a few tears. You really should read the story, regardless of my obsession with the topic – it’s a wonderful piece of journalism.

And it ended with a happy couple. Just how I like it.

I put the story down with a satisfied sigh, but something was nagging at me. It was The Specials. The Specials is a reality TV show based in Brighton, England — think The Real World, but with people with Down syndrome (and one with Williams syndrome, an intellectual disability somewhat similar to autism). Oprah’s network aired a marathon of episodes of The Specials on Memorial Day weekend, and I taped them — then binge watched them.

It was a car crash. I couldn’t look away. Typically, I’m very careful about getting too much of a glimpse of the future — rather, Sophie’s future. I don’t linger with the older women at Special Olympics practices, don’t frequent support group meetings. I even resisted Glee for a long time. But I’m a reality TV junkie and I fell hard for The Specials, even though it was hard to watch at times.

The main characters are young adults in their early 20s, finding their way in college (sort of — life skills classes), work (mostly sorting in the back of a thrift store) and love. They live together in a very pleasant group home that appears to be a perfect setting; they travel frequently and the staff only appears briefly but seems lovely.

In a lot of ways, the show is good. Probably the best case scenario even, right? But the relationships depicted feel forced and faked and none of them seem to work out so well. I could be reading things wrong, but it never felt like any of the people in the show even came close to understanding what it meant to fall in love and have a significant other.

That could be the perils of reality TV, for sure. Or it could be Down syndrome. In any case, it was too much for me. Ray would walk back and forth past the living room as I watched, stopping to shake his head. “Don’t watch that,” he’d say. But it was too late. I finished the last episode, and I haven’t been able to make myself delete them off the DVR. In fact, I invited a friend over to watch them again with me, so we can compare notes and see if our kids with Down syndrome seem like those kids with Down syndrome.

Tea leaves.

Sophie is not ready for a boyfriend. She’s still madly in love with Niall from One Direction (she claims he stared at her for the entire concert she attended last month). That’s fine with me. Watching The Specials, I realized that love will be as hard for her as it is for any other young person. Maybe harder.

And so maybe The Specials did me a favor. I’m not sure. I’m too close. You should watch it and tell me what you think.

For now, I think I’ll stick to newspaper stories.

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Tags: Filed under: Down syndrome, down syndrome and marriage by Amysilverman

8 Responses to “The Specials: Happily Ever After?”

  1. I feel like this is a good place to tell you that my 33 year old sister, Annie, who has Down syndrome, got engaged last year and is getting married next summer. I wish I could put pictures in here, they’re amazing. I’ll send them to you on Twitter. It’s beyond words for me somehow. But I just wanted to let you know there is hope. I promise.

  2. I have been too afraid to watch that show as well. My son is going to be eight next month. He talks about getting married already (my 5-year-old daughter prompts lots of role-play with prince/princess husband/wife themes) and I, too, want nothing more for him. I think the hardest part is knowing that if it is to be organic, not forced/”arranged”/facilitated, we as mothers will have to take a difficult step back and let them find their way. GAH. Thanks for continuing to blog; yours are the thoughts I find I relate to the most in this community.

  3. I have only watched Season 1, but the relationships look a lot like what my typically-developing kids are going through in high school. Like “I’m supposed to want this, but I have no idea what I’m doing”

  4. cheryl: very good point! that gave me some much-needed perspective. :) xo

  5. Jaida: sorry for the late response – your comment made my day on a day I very much needed it! I hope you will watch so we can discuss. :) Email me: amy_silverman@yahoo.com

  6. Elizabeth: THANK YOU! and all best wishes to Annie!

  7. Hi Amy, there was a very interesting documentary/reality series made in Australia, featuring 2 people with Down syndrome and a third house mate who was autistic. It was fascinating and very real. It is called “The Dreamhouse” made by Artemis TV in association with ABC. TV in Australia. Send me an email if you have trouble tracking it down.

  8. ooh looking for it right now, thank you karyn!

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My Heart Can't Even Believe It: A Story of Science, Love, and Down Syndrome is available from Amazon and 
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