Comments on: When It Comes to Finding a School for Sophie, I Don’t Have a Prayer

By: Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla

Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 04:51:20 +0000

“Middle School can be hard for mom” – that is the truth! This is part of our job, this agony, this trying to figure out what lies ahead, to try to run down any barriers ahead of time. You can only do your best, which is pretty great. If Sophie can shadow for a half or full day she should do that. If there are parents of any special ed parents who are willing to speak to you, I’d call them. I would also want to know how serious the anti-bullying program is at each school. No one’s safe unless the most vulnerable students are safe. Also, where are her friends going? It would be so nice for Sophie to go from strength to strength instead of starting over.

By: teeps

teeps — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 16:59:20 +0000

I was just on a flight with a crowd of kids traveling home for the holidays from Boston area schools, MIT and the like, and so surprising to me, young boarding school kids. One kid cut such an adorable stereotype in his jacket and tie (worn the entire flight!). Another who looked 12 was met by his mother at the gate and she and the flight attendant who escorted him off the plane had a warm exchange about what an experienced traveler he is. Imagine sending your pre-pubescent child all the way across the country … for seventh grade! I was thinking on the flight (as I sort of eavesdropped on all these kids comparing boarding school stories) that so much thought (and money) goes into these decisions, but in the end, it’s all guesswork, right? Who knows what these little people, even the “little” MIT freshman girls in the row ahead, are capable or incapable of? I agree with Kathy. Sophie has and will continue to defy stereotypes and test results and exceed standards and expectations. And I agree that Sophie and the right school will just…happen. I don’t mean to discount the hard work and agonizing you’re doing now. We all look back and wish we’d known more or done things differently. We’re terrible at giving ourselves credit for doing this difficult guesswork with heart and intention.

Hours before that flight, I was lucky to sit in a lecture hall and listen to Temple Grandin explain to an SRO crowd what made a difference for her in her young life. She reiterated two messages — and I do mean reiterated! — 1) we must NOT overgeneralize or even generalize students and needs and situations, and 2) we must stretch students! Of course TG is talking about autism, but I heard her message for Sophie, too.

Keep resisting generalizations, Amy. Keep stretching.

By: Cole

Cole — Fri, 22 Nov 2013 13:02:42 +0000

I’m extremely bothered by her thoughts that people with Ds don’t learn as adults. That is based entirely on stereotypes and on a population of data that is from people that were not given the same educational opportunity that our kids generation are having- so the understanding is outdated and no longer applies. Sure if you remove people socially and educationally you’ll prove your point that they don’t know as much as the typical population- because we didn’t teach it to them. Is the woman who said that- would she be the teacher? If so- I would want to have a much longer talk with her to make sure she is clear that that understanding doesn’t apply to Sophie and what she will do to make sure that she has high expectations for Sophie- b/c if she doesn’t- then that will be what holds Sophie back. Aside from my parent of the new generation of kids with Ds rant- I used to work with adults with severe to profound cognitive disabilities that were in the process of being de-institutionalized. These folks within even a year of being given support and instruction learned sooooo much. And these are folks that had been isolated most of their lives. Her understanding of cognitive disability is just completely outdated and I would want whoever is the teacher to be clear on that. If they are open to that- they will be amazed and delighted by how much Sophie can and will learn. She will change their understanding. It would be ideal to be in a situation that already thinks that, but if they want Sophie- that would be the second best thing I think. We’re still struggling with our school- but so far they seem impressed and willing to admit they were wrong about Abby. It’s funny to me that the same behaviors the self-contained teacher complained about last year are the ones that the regular ed teacher sings Abby’s praises about this year- she’s not “overly involved in her classmates work” she’s “so nurturing and loving to the other students and we love that about her.” It’s all perspective. Unfortunately we can’t always hire that.

By: Paula

Paula — Fri, 22 Nov 2013 04:00:11 +0000

Whenever my daughters’ are struggling I tell them “keep your head up and your eyes open.” You are doing an awesome job and I know you are going to find the right school. It is difficult to know what is best for your children. We homeschooled and now that they are adults, we go hmmmm and they go hmmmmm. I can’t wait to read what awesome school you find for Sophie! xxx

By: KathyMonkman

KathyMonkman — Fri, 22 Nov 2013 02:57:22 +0000

All I know is the best predictor of future behavior is the past. And Sophie has far surpassed every. single. obstacle ever, EVER placed in her path since birth.

I don’t know what else to say but I felt the need to say that.

I feel like something will be clear and open up and you will have that aha moment and realize it’s the perfect fit. Then you will look back and once, again, like we all do, realize the hardest part of any transition is the anticipation of it.

xoxo

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 21 Nov 2013 21:58:44 +0000

Your guardian angel is sweet but misinformed. People with Down syndrome continue to learn and “develop” throughout their entire lives. The idea that Sophie would only be a good fit at that school if she could keep up academically is equally ridiculous. Inclusion is not just for those who can keep up academically or those who can prove that they are deserving; it’s for everyone (almost). Differentiated instruction, modifications, accommodations, and teachers and administrators willing to think outside the box make it work. One size fits all instruction is a thing of the past. When teachers make lessons and assignments accessible, everyone wins. I was at a Down syndrome educator conference on Monday, where the keynote speaker was showing numbers on inclusion from across the country. There was no apparent rhyme or reason to which states were doing well and which were doing poorly – there were even big differences within states. Her contention was that placement decisions in IEP meetings were made much more often according to local customs rather than being based on empirical data (either related to student strengths and needs or general data showing that inclusion is a more effective way to educate most children). This stuff really pisses me off!
Good luck with your search!