Comments on: Are We “Disability Snobs”? Or Assholes? Or Just People Trying to Get Through the Day? http://girlinapartyhat.com/index.php/2013/02/are-we-disability-snobs-or-assholes-or-just-people-trying-to-get-through-the-day/ Girl in a Party Hat Mon, 02 May 2022 06:16:31 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=3.9.40 By: Cole http://girlinapartyhat.com/index.php/2013/02/are-we-disability-snobs-or-assholes-or-just-people-trying-to-get-through-the-day/comment-page-1/#comment-13009 Wed, 01 May 2013 16:45:32 +0000 http://girlinapartyhat.com/?p=4525#comment-13009 Love this. Love the imagery- the daily ordinariness of Sophie’s head on your chest at night- that shouldn’t and isn’t taken for granted.

When I hear that question I have always thought it was people with disabilities not wanting to be around other people with disabilities….hmmmmm…..

]]> By: Kathy Hoffman http://girlinapartyhat.com/index.php/2013/02/are-we-disability-snobs-or-assholes-or-just-people-trying-to-get-through-the-day/comment-page-1/#comment-12765 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 15:14:44 +0000 http://girlinapartyhat.com/?p=4525#comment-12765 Hi Amy! What a joy…I just drove my 14 year old daughter to school, and for some reason the universe had me listening to KJZZ rather than my usual dose of Stephanie Miller on 1480 AM…and all of the sudden, there you were reading your essay about Sophie and cheerleading! It was like an old friend just dropped in on me (I was in one of your Mother’s Who Write classes, about a zillion years ago), and I heard them mention your blog, so I ran in from my car and found this wonderful blog! I have a son, Seth, who is autistic and turned 18 last Saturday. I know exactly what you are talking about, and I KNOW I am a snob. Autism is like the new thing now, and with supposedly 1 out of every 88 kids being born landing somewhere on the spectrum (aren’t we all though???) it looks like it will be “the thing” for a while. I guarantee you I look at every autistic kid I see and think, Thank God I have Seth and not him! I know I am lucky in so many ways as he is such a sweetheart. Then there was yesterday. I was buying a few T-shirts at Old Navy and the boy checking me out was Jason, the oldest son of a very good friend of mine that died of a brain tumor two years ago. I haven’t seen him since the funeral, but we met when he and Seth were one and a half and we were in Mommy and Me Preschool at Beth El. Jason is adorable, and told me of the colleges he is hoping to attend next year. I walked out and got all teary…tears for the colleges that Seth will never apply to (but realizes that the kids his age are all going off to) and tears of realization that all of those boys from preschool days, whos moms have remained my friends, have never tried even once to reach out to my kid, to be his friend. It made me sad. I hope I am raising my daughter to be a friend to all, and based on her wonderfulness, I think I am. I could go on, but, yeah, I get it. And Sophie seems delightful, and you are Blog Queen of the World.

]]> By: maya http://girlinapartyhat.com/index.php/2013/02/are-we-disability-snobs-or-assholes-or-just-people-trying-to-get-through-the-day/comment-page-1/#comment-12726 Mon, 04 Mar 2013 20:56:45 +0000 http://girlinapartyhat.com/?p=4525#comment-12726 “…shaken by the universe into never taking anything for granted again.

That gave me chills. Beautiful.

xoxo

]]> By: Karen http://girlinapartyhat.com/index.php/2013/02/are-we-disability-snobs-or-assholes-or-just-people-trying-to-get-through-the-day/comment-page-1/#comment-12720 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 17:56:13 +0000 http://girlinapartyhat.com/?p=4525#comment-12720 I get what the woman Rosalie (BTW, Hi!) referred to was saying about the visibility factor of a disability. My own kid that I have snob feelings about has something that is only apparent to most people when he slumps over or drops to the ground and shakes like the Harlem Shuffle videos (still not sure how I feel about those). Other times the kid seems like a normal teenager (including the common stoner look of too many meds to control seizures). And like your interviewee, I often think about other issues we could be dealing with instead. There isn’t a lot that we’d be willing to trade for except maybe plantar warts.

]]> By: Rosalie Hirano http://girlinapartyhat.com/index.php/2013/02/are-we-disability-snobs-or-assholes-or-just-people-trying-to-get-through-the-day/comment-page-1/#comment-12717 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 05:47:01 +0000 http://girlinapartyhat.com/?p=4525#comment-12717 A provocative post, Amy, and another good one. Reminded me of a woman I worked with (yes in the DDC office) who was a disabled Vietnam vet. She had chronic back pain and other issues (some of which I wasn’t sure were related to her disabilities or were her natural personality) but she was a difficult person. We had an intern at the time who was a parapalegic, with limited range of motion in his arms. He was a great worker and very pleasant to be around (and went on to do great things in the community). We were talking once about what a joy he was to have around and the woman remarked, “I wish I were in his place. At least if I had a wheelchair, people would know I was disabled and they’d be kinder to me.” It struck me as an appallaing thing to say, but as I thought about it, it must have been frustrating for her. Maybe it goes beyond disability, because I think there’s such a thing as hardship snobbery–I have it rougher than you do. Your misery is not as great as mine. Being stranded on a cruise ship without running water is as bad or worse as being stranded in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina. Wha?

Then there is the natural inclination of mothers to always compare their kids to others, as validation that we haven’t screwed them up completely. Together it makes for quite the conundrum.

Keep us on our toes thinking about these things, Amy. My brain thanks you :)

]]> By: Starrlife http://girlinapartyhat.com/index.php/2013/02/are-we-disability-snobs-or-assholes-or-just-people-trying-to-get-through-the-day/comment-page-1/#comment-12712 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 01:20:24 +0000 http://girlinapartyhat.com/?p=4525#comment-12712 It surely provoked a lot of discussion! And perhaps that’s what it’s all about? It’s human nature to constantly compare and contrast, organize by various preferences and then add a dash of bias. We Love our children all of them. We don’t love other children/ people necessarily, don’t even like all of them. It’s the taking our reactions,feelings etc to our brains and then making consciously aware adjustments that raise us up, expand us, transform us if we are exposed and open enough.
You are always too hard on yourself Amy…. You have a big heart with a sharp edged brain which takes you to a very aware place and then you worry.
We all are in this soup together. Lots of ingredients :)
Love this post.

]]> By: heather in arizona http://girlinapartyhat.com/index.php/2013/02/are-we-disability-snobs-or-assholes-or-just-people-trying-to-get-through-the-day/comment-page-1/#comment-12711 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 01:17:07 +0000 http://girlinapartyhat.com/?p=4525#comment-12711 I suspect you questions are rhetorical, but I felt like chiming in.

I think you are a mother. period. end of story.

When you are with AB watching performances at her school don’t you secretly compare her to the older, less talented, more talented kids?

as for manufactured business….i think we all do it to some degree, for some people I think it becomes a competition of importance. The more full our time is the more we fool ourselves into thinking that we are important and needed. If we aren’t busy then it means we must be lazy, dumb, inconsequential (fill in the blank with your favorite negative cognition).

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