Comments on: More Complicated Than That.

By: Kittymama

Kittymama — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 04:41:52 +0000

And enough moments of discomfort will bring us to a culture-changing tipping point. Like they do.

By: Amysilverman

Amysilverman — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 03:04:43 +0000

thank you, alison. so well put.

By: Alison

Alison — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:41:28 +0000

I’m a teacher, so I often get the opportunity to examine words in a more professional context. Most of the time it’s really fun, and I’m able to frame the conversations as an analysis of our culture, not at analysis of one individual’s word choices. Students insult things by saying they’re “gay” or “retarded” not because the students are assholes, but because they live in a homophobic, ableist culture.

I do think the moment of discomfort is incredibly functional. It doesn’t mean that someone is a terrible person, just that they’re having to navigate their way through a culture that rewards inequity.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 03:37:11 +0000

Yep, have had this exact thing happen. Just recently, I had breakfast with a friend and during the conversation, we were laughing about the crazy things we each did during adolescence, and she said laughingly, “I’m lucky it didn’t leave me retarded or something!” And just like you said, there was that split second where, of course I heard her, and she knew I did, and for that split second, it was like the room emptied of air, and then we both just went back to the conversation without missing much of a beat. Later, she texted me and said, “I know I said it, I can’t believe I said that, I’m such an asshole, I’m so sorry,” and on and on. I was grateful that she acknowledged it, but, yeah, uncomfortable. I want to change people’s attitudes and the words they use, but these situations never feel good.

By: Starrlife

Starrlife — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 23:40:45 +0000

What is there to say but ditto. I work with folks with what is now called” severe and persistent mental illness” and what is important to me to distinguish is people first. Nuts etc are terms full of lots of history and character and some individuals prefer it to SPMI! my R word interventions are more like Ed and not like R word police. Words are so interesting and rich -. Eliminating ” bad” ones is a little like banning books with certain content- like saying we are going to be human and then eliminating poop:) but there are skills and mores attached to all things that involve sharing the universe in a respectful and aware way. And then there is the fact that it is progress not perfection that makes the world go round!

By: Robert Polk

Robert Polk — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 22:37:38 +0000

Your last two sentences: perfect. If she gets to read this blog post, she’ll experience full Grace.

I’ve yet to apologize to a casual friend for saying “That’s so gay!”, but it was the last time I ever said it. I still struggle with purging thoughtless words from my vocabulary, in the hopes that thoughtless thoughts will follow. (It’s working, BTW!)

Isn’t the beholding of personal awareness and positive change a great satisfaction? Bless you all.

By: Amysilverman

Amysilverman — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 18:21:28 +0000

Jennifer — So well put, thank you. I totally agree — I struggle with words like idiot, stupid, nuts, crazy, lame…. Not sure what the answer is but I do know that while I haven’t scrubbed my vocabulary completely I am more aware of what I say and I guess that’s the point, right? Such is life is right….

By: Jennifer Bonnett

Jennifer Bonnett — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 18:15:31 +0000

Thankfully this word has long been scrubbed from my palette, but it does bring up a very interesting issue I face regularly. Last spring I held an extremely fascinating conference on mental illness stigma and the subject of “words” came up. Things like nuts, crazy, and others. I have always trimmed to mindful of the words I use and their impact, and this conference left me (and I know from discussions with others) a bit overwhelmed with “words.”

I would never, as pointed out at the conference, reference a horrible fire at a mental health facility as “roasted nuts” such as a newspaper headline did in such poor taste, but, I routinely refer to my childrens’ choices as “crazy” or nuts. I often find my self dismissing someone’s poor behavior as “nuts.”

I have been diligently working since last spring to be even more mindful of worlds and their history and meaning. It can be tough to change something that was once routine. I am sure that woman will never use that work again, but, we have all had those awful teaching moments when you learn the harsh impact of words and flippant thoughts.

I guess what I am saying is I know it from both sides and such is life.