I just realized last week (and I’m sorry if this is so abstract it’s hard to follow) that when a particular person, someone I truly admire and respect, seems mean or judgmental, like he’s trying to control another person’s behavior, it’s actually that he knows he’s afraid — of having to do what he thinks he’ll have to do in order to deal with whatever he’s afraid that person’s going to do. He’ll say or do ANYTHING to pre-empt those things he’s afraid he’ll “have to” do that he expects to find painful or stressful, even seem mean and judgmental. Oh, how we tangle ourselves up.