I really enjoyed the honesty of this post and believe, with you, that we should just keep plugging along, perhaps not with a sense of mission, but with a sigh. I don’t know if you ever read Robert Rummel Hudson, but his pieces on the word are terrific. He basically concludes that if you use the word, you’re an asshole and there’s nothing we can do about assholes.

And yes, fighting against use of the R-word often feels very much like a losing battle. It’s so freaking ingrained in our culture. I had Finn’s OT say to me, “That’s reatrded!” I shit you not. And when I calmly called her out on it, she, of course, defended herself, saying she didn’t mean it like THAT. (Well, how the heck DID you mean it then?). My oldest son has had teachers at his middle school and now his high school say it – to an entire classroom of kids. My husband has had to ask his boss – the managing partner in a law firm – numerous times not to say it (and this guy has a son who was born with a club foot – you’d think it might make a person more sensitive, but apparently not.)

Sigh.

I do not have a child with cognitive disabilities, but do have a sister with Aspergers, worked in group homes, and class rooms with mixed populations, and have always had someone in my life, family, or community who has been affected by this slur. I agree that the use of it is getting worse. I heard it much less when I was a kid from kids than I do as an adult from adults.

When I hear someone use it, I frankly, am usually at a loss. Most of the time I can muster a “please don’t say that around me or my children.” The last time I heard it used was from someone I really respected and wanted to get to know. Until they said something was “retarded” and then my heart dropped as did any respect I had for them.

I like krir’s suggestion, and maybe next time I will try:

‘Really? Are you 8? Do you make fun of alzheimer’s patients? War vets with head injuries? Which cognitive disability exactly are you referring to?’

…if I can get past the shock and anger.

Thanks for sharing Amy, I love your blog, and miss you!

So now one classroom of San Francisco kids is enlightened, somewhat.

I think I am either oblivious to the insult “retard” — I really don’t think I’ve heard it in a while — or maybe journalists use the word “retard” more than the rest of us.

I agree with krlr. I think your coworkers deserve public shaming, and “Are you eight? Which disabled people, exactly, do you mean?” seems like a great way to start.

“Retarded”? Really? Are you 8? Do you make fun of alzheimer’s patients? War vets with head injuries? Which cognitive disability exactly are you referring to? Just the congenital ones? I think my xx year old is going to hear that enough on the playground, I don’t think she needs to hear it from her mommy’s coworkers.

In my head, at least, it’s shaming. Dunno about reality. I’ve also heard all the gentle educational “it’s about respect” lines and not making enemies, etc and after much due consideration decided I’m more the bomb throwing mamma bear type.