I was a bit nonplussed when this mom said, “Hi, I’m A, mom to B, and my other daughter C is schizophrenic. But don’t worry, your Sophie can still come over to play, because we’re nearly certain that C won’t be violent towards someone who’s not a relative.” I was nonplussed (violence? really?), but also curious (who wouldn’t be? how do you decide to get a toddler tested for schizophrenia? what does toddler depression even look like?). And I was also glad to have that information. Without it, I would have wondered why this very-moody older daughter behaves so oddly, sometimes, and so sweetly at other times. I almost respected this mom for her rush to reveal her daughter’s diagnosis.

We still have playdates with this family.

So I’m of the disclosure school. Yet I’m also confident that you will be more suave about diagnosis-disclosure than this particular mom I met, who also called C “a devil-child,” to me. I know you would never call your Sophie a devil-child.

And, of course, DS does not involve the violence that schizophrenics can have. I hope my whole analogy isn’t insulting. It’s just to say: diagnoses are useful to know.

If this other family doesn’t respect Down Syndrome or clutter, they’re not worth being friends with.

But until then, keep in mind… Ali does know Sophie has Ds, and Ali wants very badly to come hang out with her. If the Ds is a surprise for her mom, she will hopefully (likely) follow her daughter’s lead and look past it.