Comments on: Thermostat Issues

By: A Tempered Response | Girl in a Party Hat

A Tempered Response | Girl in a Party Hat — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 18:31:21 +0000

[...] other day, I wrote about my Sophie’s “thermostat” — how her emotions tend to run either too hot or too cold. Elaine had a terrific, [...]

By: Elaine

Elaine — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 22:40:28 +0000

One morning when I worked in Hong Kong, I asked the department secretary, “How are you?”

“I already told you yesterday,” she shouted at me. “I’m fine. I was fine yesterday, I’m fine today, and I will be fine tomorrow. Why do you English professors keep asking the same question?”

“I guess we assume that people’s moods may change,” I said, or some lame substitute for that. There is no “how are you” in Cantonese. There is a bewildering variety of other greetings, actually: “where are you going” and “have you eaten rice yet” and even, “so, you’re good, right?” but no “how are you.”

Nellie, the Cantonese secretary, told me that she aspired to never have her mood change. No ups, she said, would mean no downs. She believed that should be everyone’s goals, and thus, she though, “how are you” was a stupidly boring question.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Meditation teachers try to teach equilibrium. It’s almost a noble goal.

But, for me personally, I want to have ups and downs. I want to have varied answers to “How are you.” Maybe not as varied as Sophie’s, but, you know, not as muted as Nellie’s.

By: starrlife

starrlife — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 00:25:13 +0000

My daughter went through that stage and honestly it seemed like it took alot of prep and practice/experiences to help her find a way to master those feelings of intense loss, we used to prep before “anticipating” the end of play date, then we would come half an hour early and start the easing off process. She has actually mastered it pretty well now, probably since about 8 years old or so.
She still becomes VERY sad at the end of an intense emotional experience like the end of a play- where she gets so involved in the fantasy of it that she will sob like I used to watching Hermans Hermits!!! lol Some kids feel and process slowly but deeply. Some kids are more intellectual and mercurial. You can experiment and find the key to your beautiful Sophie.

By: rickismom

rickismom — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 22:16:55 +0000

These are learned skills. Perhaps reading to her a home-made story about a girl who felt the same way, and the girl learned to not sob, to remember that there would be another time, and how she felt better and mommy was happoier when she didn’t cry/

By: maya

maya — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 19:08:52 +0000

Amy,
I feel like it’s emotional immaturity. And my hope (my desperate hope) is that they will outgrow it. It’s to the point now where I almost dread taking Leo to places he likes (indoor playground, Barnes & Noble) because I know that when we have to leave, there will be a major scene. Like the one you described. And that’s if I can even GET him to the car. They are ugly. And embarassing. And they have had me in tears right along with Leo.

I feel like with our guys they “catch up” in one aspect where they LAG far behind in others. And right now they are lagging, big time, in the art of “transition.”

So, no suggestions. Just commiseration. It’s really, really hard.

By: kathymonkman

kathymonkman — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:34:27 +0000

There was a time when the thought was Sophie being able to communicate without signing was “clearly not to be”. Just sayin (I have some other thoughts on this that I’m having a hard time putting to paper but will talk to you about it later).