This is Sophie, posing yesterday morning just before school. A happy first grader, to say the least.

What could be more important than that? Yes, at this morning’s parent/teacher conference, I was happy (though skeptical) to hear that Sophie is reading at grade level — not at grade level for a kid with Down syndrome, Miss Y reiterated under questioning, but at grade level for a typical kid.

Super. The rest of her report card was equally positive. But academics are not as important as happiness (something I’ve come to realize rather late in life — in fact, I think they might be mutually exclusive) and happiness can’t be protected without safety.

I am reminded of Maslow’s hierarchy and high school debate — but I won’t go there today; lucky you, reader. I’ll just say that the other topic of discussion during the parent/teacher conference this morning was the fact that Sophie went AWOL (again) during lunch recess yesterday.

That is not surprising. There is one person (count ‘em, one) supervising (to use the term loosely) the entire first grade (close to 100 kids I’m guessing, I’m afraid to ask) on the playground at lunch recess. Sophie takes her time eating, so she leaves the cafeteria after the duty has walked the kids out. That means she leaves by herself.

Look at her picture. Does that look like a kid who’s going to go where she pleases? You bet your ass it is. And you can also bet that I want it that way — well, in theory. I want my kid to be friendly and loving and to have a ball in her world. But I want her to be safe. I don’t want her to be one of those “trained” people/kids with Down syndrome who refuses to make eye contact, who does exactly what she’s told as though she’s been whipped into submission.

Or do I? At least those people are physically safe, if not mentally so.

What Sophie needs is an aide at school and her mother is too big a wimp to fight for one. That’s the truth. Or one of the truths, anyway.

On some levels, I exaggerate. The new school (built over the summer) is much safer, enclosed. Everyone knows Sophie. So far, she’s only gone to safe places she’s not supposed to be. Yesterday, during lunch recess, she turned up in Miss Y’s classroom and the two of them spent the last 7 minutes of recess playing teacher (Sophie’s favorite game).

Part of me wishes Miss Y had reprimanded Sophie and sent her back to recess. But that is only part of the truth. I love that Sophie is loved, and that she gets to be independent.

But I want her happy. And that means safe.

(And she’s reading at grade level — can you flipping believe it?! Yes, I’m proud.)