Comments on: Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies with Down syndrome Grow Up to be Prom Queen (or King)

By: Good arrows! « Welcome to Illinois

Good arrows! « Welcome to Illinois — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 14:12:00 +0000

[...] way: Does Dopey have Down syndrome? Can a Kid with Down syndrome Look Like Kate Hudson? Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies with Down syndrome Grow Up to be Prom Queen (or King) And she’s always insightful – nearly as insightful as her [...]

By: elewinnek

elewinnek — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 04:50:08 +0000

My high school had more than 60 deaf kids: it was the state’s magnet school for deaf kids. They generally stuck to themselves, in their own corner where they could talk without being interrupted (you know, without some hearing person blocking their view) and laugh without getting funny looks (if you’ve never heard a deaf person laugh out loud, you don’t know what I’m talking about — but in high school, we were embarrassed for what they themselves couldn’t hear). We didn’t see much of them, because we were academically tracked, and for deaf people written English is a second or third language: they were generally pretty far behind.

My odd public high school also had a lot of hippie teachers who liked to pretend that they were rock stars. They gave concerts twice a year or so, and at these concerts, we all pretended that we were rabid fans. Really, it was fun: I learned a lot of 1960s folksy songs, I got to see the math teacher in a red dress, and it wasn’t until some exchange student told me that this was surreal that I even thought it was unusual.

The hippie-rock-star-wanna-be teachers always used the deaf kids as their backup singers and bodyguards. And here’s the thing that is prompting my too-long reply: I don’t think it was insulting. Sign-language isn’t that far from dance. Deaf singers sounds oxymoronic, I know, but they stood close enough to the amps that they could feel the vibrations, and they were terrific. They had these skills we hearing kids had never imagined they had. Suddenly, the deaf kids looked cool. Our hippie-rock-star teachers were encouraging us all to see each other in new ways, and in high school we really needed that.

Maybe this story isn’t even parallel to Down Syndrome Prom Queens — and definitely I should ask one of my deaf high school classmates before I assume that being backup singer wasn’t insulting tokenism. But here’s my point: maybe tokenism isn’t necessarily insulting. In the spirit of my hippie-rock-star teachers, it worked. And I’m really grateful to them for giving me those high-school memories.

By: rickismom

rickismom — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 06:53:14 +0000

I don’t think that they are all charity cases. I suspect that some normal kids are actually appreciative of all the work a child with DS does to be included, and value the appreciation that it gives them for their own abilities.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 19:38:30 +0000

PS. Meant to say “in” a dress….and I don’t think you’re a downer this week. I think you’re pensive. And there’s a lot of that going around right now and personally I think it’s a good thing.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 19:30:32 +0000

These are like Zen koans I think–questions that stand for themselves without necessarily landing in, or needing an answer but the question is important.

I find myself a lot wondering if something is appropriate, PC, kind, good/bad etiquette around “minorities” for lack of a better word–people who are “different” for another lack of a better word.

I am sentimental so stories about inclusion will always tear at my heartstrings. High schoolers are so competitive that even *noticing* someone who’s not in the competition sphere is impressive. I just don’t know and wouldn’t begin to offer an opinion on something like this prom question. Other than if Sophie was elected Prom Queen, I know she’d be up there smiling, with a dress designed by her sister and I’d be by your side (along with others I’m sure) Amy with ample kleenex. Bawling.

By: Kittymama

Kittymama — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 18:23:11 +0000

I find this something that’s important to keep in mind in general — despite the Golden Rule, people don’t always want for themselves what we’d want for ourselves. Ignoring that makes for a lot of wasted vicarious suffering, energy that could be taken up with finding out what someone really does care about . . .

By: Ecki

Ecki — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 23:48:11 +0000

I have the same mixed feelings about these “feel good” stories about Down syndrome (or any disability really). It shouldn’t BE newsworthy, it should just BE, if that makes any sense.

Oddly enough, it’s a bit of a relief with my child never having to wonder if she’s really being included, or just included as a “charity case” (which is probably as bad as a sympathy, um, well you know). She’s so “delayed” she doesn’t chart, because the “chart” doesn’t go below 1/10 of 1 percentile. By high school she will never be included with her “typical peers”, so I guess it just won’t be an issue.